Having a rough childhood affects every part of your life, including your work life. Facing traumatic experiences as a child can change your physical and mental health and your reactions to the world around you in a way that shapes who you become as an adult.
Mandy Tanga career coach, explained that a difficult childhood can exacerbate any career wounds you experience later in life caused by things like being bullied by co-workers or being fired. Tang shared some of the ways that childhood trauma creates “patterns that you consciously and unconsciously repeat in your life” that make it difficult to adapt in the workplace. a TikTok video.
You can usually tell someone had a rough childhood by these 3 behaviors they have at work, according to Tang:
1. They thrive in the midst of chaos
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Tang first used the example of being raised by a narcissistic parent, saying that it would force someone to constantly meet their needs and adapt to the chaotic environment they created. They became the symbolic reliable person in the family and they got used to making sense out of the mess.
This carried over into their adult lives and careers, trapping them in thinking that safety and comfort come from chaos and not peace. Someone may overexert themselves or make too many sacrifices for their team as a result, possibly choosing jobs that are not good for their well-being because they feel right for them.
“You became that person as a reaction, as a coping mechanism, to the environment you grew up with,” Tang explained. The problem is that it continues to cause damage well beyond childhood.
2. They are comfortable in toxic environments
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As Tang said, “We find solace in the chaos we grew up in.” This explains why many people who grew up with a toxic parent continue to accept the toxicity of a partner in adulthood. When someone finds comfort in discomfort and doesn’t know how to break that cycle, there’s a good chance they’ll also choose to work in a toxic environment.
Unfortunately, even if this feels like the right thing for that person, it will continue to hurt them. A toxic work environment makes employees focus on their fears instead of their abilitieswhich removes any chance they had to believe in themselves. There is a fine line between healthy challenges that drive personal development and harmful challenges that inhibit growth.
3. They believe that their work only has value if it is perfect
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Tang explained how negative work experiences can cause someone to relive similar things they went through in childhood, making them feel like they are returning to the more vulnerable state. “You’re used to being somebody’s crutch in a certain way,” she said. “And it comes off as people rejoicing, it comes off as overly scrutinizing, overly stressed about something.”
If someone was raised by parents who constantly reprimanded them for every little misstep, they eventually learned that their worth depended on perfection. Now they are trying to replicate the same hypervigilant behavior at work, despite the dire consequences that come with it.
Making everything perfect sounds like a good thing, but it actually makes people do it become extremely critical of themselves and to set aside the things that are important to their own well-being in an effort to always be the absolute best. In many cases, it can lead to being a workaholic, which means working so excessively that it actually causes injury.
Tang concluded, “To complete your career years requires work and dedicated effort.” It’s not a switch someone can make overnight, especially when it’s so closely tied to their difficult childhood. But by recognizing the patterns that seem to rule their lives, they can find greater clarity and prioritize their needs over time.
Francesca Duarte is a writer based in Orlando, FL. She covers topics on lifestyle, human interest, adventure and spirituality.
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