Complain rewires our brains for negativity. The more we complain, the more unhappy we become. That is why the most unhappy people get caught in spirals of despair.
Because complaining is their only way of coping, the negativity it creates makes it harder to change anything or cultivate optimism. Most of this anxiety takes place internally, but if someone is constantly complaining about very specific things, you can tell that he or she is completely miserable.
When a person is constantly miserable, he tends to complain about these things
1. How unfair life is
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We’ve all had friends who couldn’t take responsibility for anything. It’s always “I’m the luckiest” or “This happens to me all the time,” and never “What can I do better?” They unconsciously remove their own agency and autonomy by assuming that their lives are completely out of their hands.
They blame other people and make all kinds of excuses instead of changing, which is why they are chronically miserable. When focus on and invest in yourself In chaotic times, exactly how you protect your well-being is; they fall into cycles of pain and frustration quite easily.
2. What everyone does
Instead of focusing on what they can control and how they can build a happier life for themselves, miserable people turn their attention outward. They hyperfocus on how other people’s mistakes affect them, hold on to grudges in other people’s relationships, and avoid the hard conversations that can create better social networks and support.
Unfortunately, if clinical psychologist Monica Vermani explains: the more they fixate on the shortcomings and opinions of others, the more they become disconnected from their own inner purpose and strengths.
3. Minor inconveniences
Often the feeling of being in control predicts better mental health and healthier stress levelsand that’s why we often get ideas like ‘let it roll off your back’. Focusing only on minor inconveniences and the opinions of others only creates more inner turmoil and stress, which is why happy people avoid dwelling on them.
Taking things personally and harping on these natural, unfair aspects of life for too long only keeps people miserable. The more influence these negative, unavoidable things have in your life, the more stress and resentment you carry.
4. What goes wrong?
Being an optimistic person, although incredibly difficult sometimes, often predicts a happier and healthier life. If you can be grateful for what you have and see the light at the end of the tunnel during difficult times, you can find resilience in dealing with adversity and pain. Optimists have one better subjective well-being because of this.
When you focus on what is going wrong or what is missing in your life, you expect negativity. And if you expect negativity, you will get it. That’s why chronically unhappy, miserable people feel stuck. They sabotage their ability to achieve and grow by focusing too heavily on what they don’t have, leaving their nervous system trapped in a state of need and lack.
5. Not achieving their goals
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Experts like psychology professor Marwa Azab agree that talking and bragging about your goals before you achieve them actually sabotages motivation and progress. If you are only motivated by validation and praise from others, and you get it too early, then you have nothing to push you to actually make a change.
Happy, talented people invest in the journey toward goals and find meaning in building motivation on their own terms. But miserable people complain about how hard they work and how little they accomplish, usually because they only work for attention and pity.
6. The success of others
Jealousy and envy make us bitter people. They disconnect us from community and the world types of positive relationships that provide meaning and joy in our lives. When someone else succeeds, a happy person celebrates him or her. But when someone is successful around a miserable person, they immediately complain and ignore their excitement.
They operate under the misguided belief that when someone else achieves something they want or admire, it makes it even harder for them to do so. Most of the time it is because their resentment and lack of agency is holding them back. They are also equipped for it worsened mental health and lower well-beingbecause they can’t be happy for anyone but themselves.
7. Daily obligations and chores
Housework and daily obligations that we aren’t necessarily excited about are natural parts of life. For the average person, they can find a way to get through it, and better yet, increase their happiness by making it a daily ritual.
But there are two groups of people who let these responsibilities completely ruin their lives. The first is called people who think they are above everything making them feel uncomfortable or annoying. The second is miserable people, who find a way to become even more miserable by blaming the natural parts of adult life for their suffering.
Instead of using their routines and obligations for a sense of stability in tumultuous times, they resent them and make everyday life even more tiring.
8. Their past and regrets
Our past, including nostalgic memories and occasional regrets, holds a lot of power in our lives. Sometimes they motivate us to make changes and give us a sense of purpose in adulthood. Other times they remind us of our greatest shortcomings and keep us stuck in negative spirals harm our well-being at all levels.
The difference between a positive relationship with regret and the latter is the mentality that a person manages. A happy person makes changes and moves forward while accepting the discomfort of healing, rather than dwelling on past mistakes. A miserable person broods over regrets and thinks about all the things he wishes he had done.
9. Resolved arguments and arguments
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The most unhappy people never really resolve anything because even after they end an argument and accept an apology, they always return to the issue. They hold people to unrealistic standards when they have made a mistake. They weigh the shortcomings of others without taking any responsibility for their own.
By holding on to past injustices of others, they make peace with unhappiness or coping with problems. While happy, fulfilled people resolve their problems and disagreements by the end of the same daywretched people boil and allow them to grow into grudges forever.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations and policy and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help and human interest stories.
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